Let’s face it: sometimes, quitting your job might feel like the only option. But why go through the hassle of handing in your resignation when you can just get fired instead? No need to make it complicated. If you follow the wrong steps and make a few hilarious (or catastrophic) decisions, you can find yourself packing up your desk faster than you can say “I’m out!” From lying on your resume to romancing the boss, this guide will walk you through the most foolproof ways to get yourself kicked to the curb. But hey, no judgment—after all, we’ve all been there. Just don’t blame us when your boss hands you that pink slip!
Broadcasting Your Job Search to the World: How to Get Caught Job Hunting Without Even Trying
Avoid sending your resume and other job-related emails from your work computer. Many workplaces monitor these communications, and your colleagues may also have access. Treat your workplace like it’s under surveillance, and be cautious about what you do. Stay smart and avoid unnecessary risks.
Gossiping in the Office: How to Get Fired and Lose Friends in One Swift Gossip Session
You never know who is listening, and in Cube-land, walls have eavesdropping ears. It’s best to play it safe and keep the juicy gossip to yourself. Don’t ever repeat anything you hear that could burn you or others. Winding up on the wrong side of the rumor mill can cost you more than somebody’s trust; it can grind your whole career into pixie sticks.
Chatting It Up On Personal Calls: How to Turn Your Work Phone Into a Personal Hotline (And Lose Your Job)
Spending much of your work time conducting your business can be productive, but trust and believe your boss and employees are scowling at you in contempt. Better wrap it up, B!
Sippin’ On That Syrup: Why Drinking at Work Is a Surefire Way to Get Your Walk of Shame Out the Door
If you enjoy keeping things interesting, here’s a suggestion: have a few ‘cold ones’ during your break (like 6 or 7), and then strike up a conversation with your boss in a crowded elevator about why you hate working weekends and how you could run the office better than him. While your colleagues might find it amusing and somewhat satisfying, I assure you that at least one person won’t laugh.
Surfing the Web Excessively: How to Surf the Internet and Your Way to Unemployment
If you spend your workday surfing the web, you’ll probably spend your days surfing for a new job. Clicking on NSFW content can also lead to losing your job. Say goodbye to those dreams of world domination during work hours.
Romancing the Boss: Why Dating Your Superior Will Make You the Boss of Unemployment
While it may make for great workplace gossip, a romance with the boss (albeit empowering) can easily and most assuredly end with at least one person out of a job. And to be frank, it’s usually not the boss.
Forgetting to Double-Check: One Mistake, One Missed Decimal, and Your Job Could Be History
When dealing with numbers, especially those preceded by a dollar sign, scrutinize your work meticulously. One stray zero, decimal point, comma, or dash could be the difference between securing a job or losing one. Double-checking is key to avoiding costly mistakes.
Alienating Your Coworkers: How to Go From Team Player to Office Outcast in One Easy Step
You’ll probably need a little cooperation and support from your team or coworkers to do your job effectively. Distancing yourself from those you work with could replace you with someone who wants to keep their job. Cooperation is essential to success.
Not Self-Assessing / Being a Punk Assessor: Why Blaming Others Won’t Save Your Job (And Probably Get You Fired)
OWN your job assignment. If you make a mistake, own up to it. Don’t try to sweep crap under a rug because it still stinks. Refrain from being a punk assessor and playing the blame game. The truth will most likely come back to bite you in the assignment. No dry snitching, chump!
In conclusion, while these actions might seem like a fun way to shake things up at work, they’re more likely to shake up your career—and not in the way you’d want. Whether you’re trying to avoid the firing squad or simply keep your job, remember that being professional, respectful, and reliable can go a long way. So, take this advice to heart (or at least as a cautionary tale), and avoid these career-killers at all costs. After all, the last thing you want is to be known as the office legend who got fired—especially when you could’ve just been promoted instead.
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