5 Proven Tips for Dating an Introvert

From my experience, an introvert’s desire for QTAT doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to spend any time with you or that they’re isolating themselves.  You can be in the same space, same room, same crib and they will want to do something that will allow them time to chill.  You rub their back, grab their booty or just ask if they’re alright and boom, now you can feel connected again.  I like to talk on the phone or surf the net so I’m cool with the alone time because it gives me an opportunity to do my own thing, like read or catch up with friends or whatever else I want to do.  Just because they’re being dry, doesn’t mean you have to with them.  Trust me, they’ll be ok while you dip out.

Be conscious of what you’re saying when you’re communicating with an introvert.  They are great listeners (when they’re actively listening) and will remember details from a random or not so random conversation you guys had from like a year ago—so be authentic.  Since they are so selective about who they spend their time with, they pay close attention to verbal and nonverbal cues and will call you out on your bulls***.  They have a lower tolerance for stressful situations and will appreciate any effort to alleviate any avoidable stress.  Be upfront and keep it real.  Master the art of listening, it will save you a headache.

Whether it’s working out, listening to nostalgic hip-hop, or hitting the driving range—introverts are doing it.  It’s considered an escape when they are dabbling with their interests.  Even if their hobbies aren’t anything you’re particularly interested in, it’s still a memorable gesture if you engage with them during their pastime activities.  They will reciprocate with a similar gesture and will surely appreciate the fact you’re interested in what they’re into when you’re not around.  For example, my golf swing is trash, but I still love going to the range because it’s great doing something he enjoys, the bucket brews are a bonus.  You might also find that they’re low key skilled because they’re always so damn focused.

Introverts will divert an important discussion because they don’t want to use an excessive amount of energy dealing with it.  As an extrovert, I tend to spew my feelings and they come rushing out like a tidal wave.  It’s not that they don’t care, it’s just they tend to want more time to process their thoughts.  Since I’m highly reactive, it tends to cause conflict—especially when I want to talk about sensitive issues, I want to discuss it on my terms.  I don’t enjoy creating conflict, I’d just rather knock it out right then and there, however that’s not quite how it goes.  I’ve learned that if they care about you, they will process your concerns and address it once they’ve come up with an approach to a touchy conversation.  It’s usually within a 24-hour period when they come back ready to square up for that uncomfortable exchange.  It’s kind of a way to resolve an issue before it becomes a larger one.  I’ve had to compromise on this one.

Anyone will tell you the best relationships are built upon compromise.  Even though our personality traits are different, it gives us more of a reason to challenge each other.  I love the fact that my dude isn’t as outgoing as I am, because to be honest, I must say, he would take way too much attention from me.  He’s smart, attractive, and great with people–he would really outshine me so as an extrovert, that’s not going to work.  I enjoy hosting and storytelling, and I have a very strong presence so it’s nice being able to know that I can count on someone who doesn’t have the same attention span as me nor craves as much attention as I do.  Ultimately, the relationship works because there’s balance to our individual quirks.