Casual jokes are great for dampening an otherwise stressful room. They can also come in handy when you’re trying to quickly change gears in a conversation, but there are a few important things you need to know about jokes, namely how to avoid these 5 casual joke killers. Get the slice…
1. Don’t be a square
Bury the joke and quit your job.
Try telling a joke to a dweeb. Seriously, try it. You’ll learn really quickly that dweebs don’t know what jokes are.
So you’re chopping it up with a dweeb at your job, right…your just chatting away talking about TPS reports and cover letters and how pocket protectors should make their resurgence and you decide to hit him/her with a joke. Not just any joke though, a thought-provoking – mammoth of a joke. One that usually has folks hysterical and saying, “Wow…how’d you come up with that?!” Here’s where things go wrong though. After painting what is essentially the Sistine Chapel of jokes and setting it up real nice-like, you hit them with the punchline. BOOM! It’s so poignant it sends chills down YOUR spine…but dweeb Johnson doesn’t quite get the same chills. Instead he/she just looks at you, with one raised eyebrow and a curled lip as if to say, “Oh, really? So you’re a comedian now? I thought we were talking about pocket protectors.”
Bury the joke and quit your job.
2. Tell me how that foot tastes.
“Coins? You need coins? GET A JOB AT A MINT YOU DIRTY BUM!”
It needs not be said that you’ve probably put your foot in your mouth once or twice in your life…but the worst way to insert those boats is to tell an off-color joke OR to tell one of those ‘way too soon’ jokes. Let’s have a for instance…
So, your best friend just lost their job a few days ago and, let’s just say, isn’t taking it well. YOU, being the jerk you obviously are, unsympathetically disregard common sense. You say, “Sooo…this bum asked me for a few coins today. Guess what I said?” They chuckle and say, “I don’t know, what?” You reply, “Coins? You need coins? GET A JOB AT A MINT YOU DIRTY BUM!” and as if the joke wasn’t enough, you then follow that up with some ever-so-delicate self-affirming laughter.
Congratulations! You’re a jerk and your breath literally smells like feet.
3. Never say “get it”…Get it?!
Sometimes you have to hand out assists with your jokes, I get that (no pun intended), but I assure you – saying ‘get it’ does just the opposite of what you might intend. It almost always reads, “my joke is pretty lame BUT, I want to force you to laugh at it.” No examples for this one, because I’m sure you “get it”.
“Wait, I don’t get it. Say it again?”
It’s very likely that you’ve come across that one person who never understands anything and as a result is always late on humor.
Let’s just say you have a friend, and for the sake of the example let’s just say SHE has blonde hair. Whenever you tell a joke, she almost always follows up with, “Wait, I don’t get it. Say it again?” and shoots your joke in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun. It doesn’t matter that everyone else is laughing, spitting out liquids, crying, grabbing their sides, because she’s just sitting there…clueless.
Give her this book and refocus your chakra.
5. The never-ending story.
If you lived, you’ve probably listened to a joke, be it from a comedian or a schmoe, that took way too long to develop. You sit there, waiting, and waiting for the joke to matriculate – so long that you begin to anticipate the punchline…even going to so far as to laugh prematurely. These jokes can be exhausting. It’s hard to pretend to laugh especially when it’s at the wrong part of a joke. Shoot, when the joke does reach it’s climax you don’t even know if it’s still a joke anymore. You just end up saying something like, “Oh word?” or “For real?” and the joke then is officially dead.